Let's discuss.
I define "underwear" as something which is worn "under" one's clothing - therefore, undershorts, bras, panties, thongs, etc. all easily fall into this category. But then we have to examine things such as sports bras, undershirts (V-necks, crew necks ... you know, those things businessmen wear under button-downs), muscle shirts, midriff shirts, sleeveless shirts ... the stuff we usually sleep in but wouldn't normally wear outside. So, I ask you: where does the tank top belong?
In its most rudimentary form, the "wife beater" is squarely in the fine fashion department in every trailer park. We've all seen the guy at the mall wearing a stained tank top as his daily wear, and usually he's way too thin or way too non-attractive to pull it off. It looks junky. His arms are spindly. Usually he also has two or three rugrats spinning around him and he's decorated with poorly brought-off tattoos, a wallet on a chain, and jean shorts which reach to his ankles. In this case, this is the guy who should be either escorted from the mall to change or given a gay personal shopper as a form of community service.
Then there's the tank top that belongs to the bodybuilder. This is the guy who can wear it with class. Doesn't matter if it has a round or square hem, or whether it reaches to mid chest or solar plexus. This is the guy who needs to be seen in a tank top. I think it's because he's trolling for compliments or partners. He's usually either a really, really nice guy who's incredibly sensitive or shy and just happens to be built like a brick s***house, or he's a complete doofus lunk who thinks with his bits and his muscles. Either way, it's a "win, win" from a physical standpoint.
Lastly, you've got the guy who wears a tank top because it's all he has to wear underneath a long sleeve shirt that doesn't match anything else. Tom and I fall into this category (although I would arguably try to push him into the "incredibly sensitive" column). We're definitely not bodybuilders, but we're also not stick figures. We're guys with some meat on them that isn't all muscle. Or, in sports parlance, Tom is the former quarterback who has eased into middle age, and I am the former swimmer who has done likewise. Basically, you can tell we were former athletes, but we haven't let middle age particularly define our existence. We're aging gracefully, and we both feel that the older we get (like most men) the more confident and serene we become.
(There's also a fourth, extremely small category for the tank top that is strictly reserved for porn stars and the extremely well-built. Yes, they should wear them; yes, they deserve to wear them; but they look better out of them. Just sayin'. There's also the fashion tank top. I'm not kidding! Watch Wolverine or any of the X-Men movies and tell me that Wolverine is wearing Hanes. He's not. If that tank top isn't couture and doesn't have at least a 800-thread count, I'll eat your shorts.)
I guess my issue with the "wife beater" phenomenon is that the so-called experts - websites, department stores, fashion houses - don't know where they belong either. Some classify them strictly as undergarments, some as sportswear, and I think this disparity is confusing the everyday American male consumer. If we buy underwear, we wear it as underwear. If we buy sportswear, it goes with us to the gym. Very rarely are we confronted with something like a dress code when it comes to such items, and it doesn't help that fashion mores and sense change with each passing week - I mean, some examples are obvious: you don't wear a three-piece Armani suit to play Laser Tag and you don't wear just a tank top to church.
You definitely wear one to get arrested, and no one will call you out if you wear one to school on a hot day. So where's the line? How do I know if I'm showing my underwear or not? We're taught to believe that it's clothes that make the man ... but I'm beginning to think it's the man who defines the clothes.
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