So, since we've talked and nattered about underwear in general, who wears what kinds, the type of material, etc., it's time to move on into the realm of something new in the underwear world: underwear that comes ready-made with holes in it.
Keep in mind I'm not talking about something similar to the ripped jeans we used to buy for $100.00 a pair. (Quite frankly, if I want a pair of jeans with holes in it, I would simply head down to The Salvation Army, fork out a buck for a pair on the rack, and go crazy with scissors. The only real reason to wear underwear with holes in it is to have your partner literally rip them off you. It's hot. Trust me.) I'm talking about fashion underwear that's supposed to be super sexy for both you and your partner, the kind with a notch below the treasure trail or the kind that are butt-less (and go great with chaps). I'm also not talking about a g-string, a jockstrap, or that one pair with the little hole in the seam between your legs that you can't bring yourself to throw away because of good memories.
I'm talking strictly about the "made-that-way" pairs that run you an arm and a leg.
I don't own a pair of these yet. I'm tempted, because I'm an underwear whore (have I mentioned that already?) and because I desperately want to believe that the stuff on the model looks as good or better on me. I can't justify forking over thirty? forty? fifty? dollars for a pair of fashion shorts with holes in them, when I'm paying just as much for a primo pair of Andrew Christians, Clever, Unico, or something similar. (Tom would kill me if I did; there's a back story to this involving strippers that I won't get into just now.)
But let's face it: until there's a "Victor's Secret" for men that will sell all kinds of "come-hither-and-f***-me" undergarments, we have to pursue our kink where we can. I often wonder if men would actually shop at a Victor's Secret the same way women flock to Victoria's. Probably not, as most (straight) men don't like to shop anyway, and straight men have enough issues shopping at a romance store like Lover's Lane. I mean, can you picture it? You're out with your buddies, walking the mall, getting ready to see Dying Hard and Tied Up, and to kill time you wander into Victor's Secret because they have a pair of aqua briefs that you just absolutely have to have or you'll die .... Won't happen. Not only will your friends dump your a**, they'll start having really awkward conversations about "that one night in college" and how it affected you and how they're not gay.
(I suspect this is why guys do so much shopping on-line. It saves time, everything arrives in nondescript boxes, and the only person who knows how much of a freak you really are is the guy on the other end of the computer screen who has to pack and ship your order. The same argument can be expanded to the opposite of those who shop at big and tall stores: the "short and squat"s. Although I'm 5'7", I have a really hard time finding clothes that fit, and I won't even go into how difficult it is to find shoes I like in the right size. I believe there are probably as many short and squat people out there as there are big and tall, but you don't hear about how two-thirds of the American population is undertall and broad. All you hear about are the two-thirds that are overweight or obese. And where do morbidly obese people go? The same place as the morbidly thin?)
In general, I have issues with the way the fashion industry treats men and women who don't fit into the Abercrombie & Fitch paradigm. (I, however, do not have issues with Abercrombie & Fitch models, as long as they're over 18 and speak English. Hell, no!) It all comes back to wanting to wear what makes you feel good, and what's the first thing you put on in the morning?
Hel-lo ... your skivvies.
But do business executives and call center agents alike think about the brand of underwear they're slipping into? I doubt it, unless they're gay, and even then, you have to wonder. I've met guys who are fashionistas from the word "go," and I've met guys whose choices have made me whimper "stop." But just think about it - the age-old fantasy of being trapped in the elevator with the sexual encounter of your dreams: slipping off his pants to find ... what? Nothing? Something sheer?
Or maybe, just maybe, a new pair/style of underwear you've never experienced before? I doubt you'll be left impressed by that old pair of Hanes that should have been thrown out last month.
So, the next time you go shopping (online), think about the elevator. When you get up in the morning, think about the elevator. And when you see that gorgeous hunk from I.T. who has been giving you that look, while he's bent over underneath your desk in a pair of jeans that are just too flattering, think about trapping him in the elevator and what you hope he's wearing and what you should be.
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