It's a great concept, if you think about it. Imagine how careful you would be with your quarters, because most of us get a pass by our significant others, "The List," of individuals we're allowed to dally with if the opportunity arises - even though it never will. But still ... who would make "The List"? You have the famous and the obscure; the popular and the fifteen-minutes-of-fame-is-over; and the handsome and the "nice personality." There are so many choices; and I admit freely, it doesn't take much for it to change every day.
Given my preferences and this is all based in fantasy, I would definitely want an international smorgasbord of Grade A beef, in stunningly-cut Speedos or briefs. No offense - but is there anyone out there who would pick Steve Buscemi, Danny DeVito, or Clint Howard? I don't think so. If given their choice, people automatically choose beefcake (Stephen Dorff) over pound cake (Stephen King), or boobs on the chest (Jessica Biel) vs. boobs at the knees (Jessica Tandy), know what I mean?
So, if my own personal underwear vending machine had ten slots of totally hot guys rocking a fresh, tight pair of skivvies ("so tight you can tell what religion they are," according to Robin Williams), here's how I would get my gratification. Difficult choices all, as there are so many individuals with unique qualifications to choose from:
- Canadian actor Stephen Amell, who is currently burning up the TV screen as Oliver Queen (alter ego The Green Arrow) on CW's Arrow. He can also play sinister: he was cast as Joran van der Sloot in the Lifetime movie Justice for Natalee Holloway. (Everybody likes a good guy who's a bad boy.)
- The other half to Master of Ceremonies NPH (Neil Patrick Harris) himself, former actor and chef David Burtka. David has a lot going for him in my book: he's married to NPH and can, in a pinch, describe his husband's attributes (high five!); stunning, boyish good looks; he likes kids (the two of them have twins); he still has an acting career open to him if he wants one (he played Scooter - a former boyfriend of Lily's Alyson Hannigan - on How I Met Your Mother); he can sing (he's been on Broadway); he wears the right colors in a Michigan State/University of Michigan football game (go, Wolverines!); and if you're having one of those days, he can make you fried chicken and bring it to you in bed. Definitely a multi-tasker who deserves inclusion.
- Italian-born actor, singer and underwear model Francesco Cura, who has since started working in New York and Los Angeles. He studied art history and began training as a classical opera singer when it was discovered he had a four-octave range. He had a small role as a vineyard worker in the latest Disney "Wizards" franchise, The Wizards Return, Alex vs. Alex. (Steamiest, expressive eyes and facial features; his portfolio is riveting: http://www.francisjcura.com/.)
- American pornographic actor, model, and recording artist Johnny Hazzard (who also performs under Frankie Valenti, his birth name). He had a hit single titled "Deeper Into You" and starred in the second season of the cable series The Lair, not to mention who-knows-how-many guy-on-guy adult films. (He has lots of tattoos and is extremely ... flexible. View his music video at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T_3I6UcoKZ4.)
- Actor Garrett Hedlund, who has had starring roles in Tron: Legacy and Eragon. He first hit the silver screen opposite Brad Pitt in Troy, where he played Pitt's (Achilles') doomed cousin, Patroclus. (Just plain old-fashioned cute, he's a Minnesota farm boy who's not afraid to show a little skin. Thank you, Four Brothers.)
- French-Algerian actor Salim Kechiouche, who acts mainly in French film and is known primarily for his nude scenes. (He plays gay, he plays straight; he plays normal, he plays psychotic. He's supposed to be portraying Odysseus on French cable in June. Hope I can find it. Link to him at http://salimkechiouche.com/site/.)
- Actor, commentator, emcee and business entrepreneur Mario Lopez, who has been in the business since his preteen years on Kids Incorporated. Better known to audiences as A.C. Slater in Saved by the Bell, he also portrayed Olympic diving medalist Greg Louganis (my personal hero, who at 53, still looks damn fine in a Speedo) in Breaking the Surface: The Greg Louganis Story. He recently launched his personal underwear line, Rated M for Men and Their Very Special Guests. (After losing a Super Bowl bet to fellow commentator Maria Menounos, Mario had to streak through Los Angeles' Grove shopping complex in some purple "Rated M" briefs, sneakers, and a Baltimore Ravens helmet. Take a look at http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/02/06/mario-lopezs-underwear_n_2631456.html.)
- True Blood werewolf Joseph Manganiello, whose most recent film credit was as a stripper named "Big Dick Richie" (the name says it all!) in Magic Mike, co-starring Alex Pettyfer, Channing Tatum and Matt Bomer. (Definitely confirms my position in the whole Team Edward/Team Jacob debate ... let's just say I'm a dog lover.)
- Bisexual Brazilian model and activist Rodiney Santiago, who notes the following on his personal website: "five-foot-eleven; flawless teeth, healthy-looking gums; likes chocolate; sleeps in his underwear; limited body hair" ... among other things. (Smoldering Latin sexuality is always a plus ... Rowr. http://rodineysantiago.com/.)
- American actor, musician and Julliard alum Sam Witwer, currently playing vampire Aidan White on the American version of Being Human. He's the lead singer of his own band, The Crashtones - he states that his first love is music - and he's had supporting roles on JAG, Battlestar: Galactica, and Smallville. Interesting factoid: on the first episode of The Walking Dead, he played the zombie soldier inside the tank. (I love a guy who is multi-faceted ... you know: bloodsucker, zombie, arch villain/nemesis, etc. You will, too, if you check out http://samwitwerfans.com/.)
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