(Ass)-Cracking a Smile

All guys should have a nice smile.  There’s no better turn-on than a nice authentic smile, saying that you’re glad to see someone.  I actually walked up to a stripper once and told him he had the most beautiful smile I had ever seen (and he did).  Of course, it didn’t hurt that he was Latino, had nice eyes and a great physique, too; but the thing I remember about him the most (his name was Jesse), was that smile.

Unfortunately, too many guys crack a smile with the wrong orifice.  Yes, I’m talking about their a**-crack (or, as professionals would call it, the “gluteal furrow”).  There’s an important difference between seeing a guy in the buff and getting an appreciation for his glutes than seeing him working outside with his pants sagging.  And even though a little sweat doesn’t bother me, a**-crack smiles do.

It just seems so lazy and unnecessary.  You can work outside in shorts that fit as easily as you can in sagging jeans.  One would think a landscaper would be more comfortable in a pair of cut-offs that fit at the waist, not the hips.  (I know we’ve had this discussion before, but like many things, it’s cyclical and it always comes back.)  If I want to see a man’s gluteal furrow, then damn it, I expect it to be after dinner and dancing, not while he’s piling mulch in the park or filling potholes.  (And it isn’t interesting that these are the self-same men who are constantly wolf-whistling at women and making themselves out to be the best thing since sliced bread?)

No … definitely not for me, the whole a**-crack thing.  Put into its proper context (getting up in the morning only wearing a briefs that may have slid a little too far, for example), it’s fine, but when it’s outside with a puffy pair of boxers and a dirt trail leading into your pants, uh-uh.  Do us a favor, guys – whether you’re a guy’s guy and a lady’s guy – clean it up.  Have some idea of where you are and what you’re doing.  It’s not attractive, and who knows?  You may actually get an acknowledgement to your whistles and stares.  You would from me, at least.  Readers, see if you can guess which of these are “A** Crack Yes” and “A** Crack No.”

Happy smiling!