Good Bromance, Bad Bromance

Like most men today, I have embraced the concept of the “bromance,” defined by Urban Dictionary as “the complicated love and affection shared by two straight males that are exceptionally close,” and “a non-sexual relationship between two men that are unusually close.”  Apparently, the key words are “unusually close.”

The relationships themselves are simple, but my bromances are polar: there’s the “good” one and the “bad” one. 

The “good bromance” is with my friend Lincoln, who has been mentioned several times within this blog.  Lincoln is one of those guys who is non-judgmental, gets it, is open to everyone and everything, and will be the first to admit he’s wrong.  He also is willing to jump into the “homo” world and ask questions.  He’s been to gay bars, and he and his wife are surrogate uncles to my daughter and our exchange kids.  He’s a parent himself, and it’s inspiring to see how his kids have matured.  In short, Lincoln is the picture-perfect bromance – “a non-sexual relationship (not counting numerous innuendos) between two men that are unusually close;” I’d call him to come get me out of jail before Tom.

On the flip side, there’s my “bad bromance”.  “J.” is a former fling of mine.  He’s intelligent, in a committed relationship (now), doesn’t take bullshit from anyone, and has a refreshing habit (matching mine) of saying precisely what he thinks when he thinks it.  (Something we both need to work on.)  I can always count on “J.” if I need to go shopping, blow off some steam, or just get away from it all.  Although nothing has happened between us, for years, it’s hard to make that go away.  I like “J.”’s boyfriend – he’s a little quiet, but he’s a stand-up guy who can cut loose under the right circumstances.  Unfortunately, there’s always going to be a little sexual tension between “J.” and I – “the complicated love and affection shared by two straight males that are exceptionally close.”

Bromances are prime fodder for underwear enthusiasts.  Never seen Lincoln in his; seen “J.” out of his too many times to count.

It's easy when bromances are purely platonic, but how do you balance a bromance when there’s sexual tension that you would never give into but that’s still there?